The winding down of my comedy endeavor

I sat at a table in a service station somewhere near Brentford surrounded by empty sachets of vinegar and the sound of a business man complaining about his substandard fish and chips in pissed stained trousers.  This was one of the loneliest and depressing moments of my life.  Its the moment I decided that I was going to concluded my adventure into comedy and move on the pastures new. This happened last night.  I should regale you with my tale.

The evening started with myself intending to drive from Croydon to Newport Pagnell for a comedy gig which had Nick Helm and Daniel Smith performing. I enjoy both these acts so I was looking forward to watching them. I had planned to pick up Daniel and Nick at Archway on route.  Traffic was horrendous and 2 hours from setting off from Croydon I was still in Putney dying for a piss.  I couldnt wait anymore and i relieved myself in a red bull can.  Impossible you may say? Yes.  I could only make it to Richmond till I had to conceded defeat.  I felt so bad that I had let Dan and Nick down. They later told me that they got to the gig on time by catching the train, which im glad about.  At Richmond I turned round to head back to Croydon. 5 minutes into the journey i hit a curb down a little side road and punctured a tire. My spare was fucked.  I called breakdown cover and waited.  The breakdown man was a very nice chap whom i bonded over football with. It made me remember how much I miss football in my life.  The nice breakdown man had to finish at 9pm thoe and had to drop me off at a service station, for me to wait for another breakdown man to come and pick me and my car up and take me back to Croydon.  In the service station I came to realize that running around performing 5 and 10 minute spots isnt what I enjoy.  I enjoy writing comedy and the only thing in comedy that I look forward to is Edinburgh, where ive got a show to play with. So ive cancelled all my gigs and will concentrate on writing for Edinburgh.

I started comedy to try and see if I could write a solid 5 minutes, because that is what all the comics seemed to say was important in starting out.  What I learnt was that the comics with solid 5's tended to have just that and never achieved the ability to write longer sets.  A solid 5 is miles different from a 15 or 20 minute set.  A 15- 20 set doesnt even have to be solid to be good, it can be loose, but still brilliant.  I want to be able to be like the great storytellers like Stewart Lee, Daniel Kitson and David Cross.  When someone asks me to tell them a joke, i want to answer "I wont tell you a joke, but here is a story."

Im going to miss the Comedy circuit, and there is a buzz from a good gig. But the rest will do me good, and hopefully make me a more tolerable person.

From Wednesday,  Salmon fillets are 1/3 off in Morrisons