Realizing stuff is depressing

Coming up with new material that I am happy with is hard. But that is why I do it. Because when I eventually do create something that im proud of i can say that i worked hard for it. If it was easy, i wouldnt get the same sense of self satisfaction. In edinburgh, i was told by a comic whom i respect very much and like as a person that im going to be alright. He could sense that I was felt hard done by because all my hard work seemed to amount to a small amount of progression. He told me that working on my comedy and being more focused on myself is the best way of achieving whatever I want. I have potential, i am funny and this is all i need to focus on. Everything else that surrounds comedy is irrelevant. The progression of others, the promoters who wont book you, the competitions you dont win, the crapy comedy nights you do are all part of it and you just need to except them. For a long time I didnt want to except them, i wanted to believe that if you worked hard, did well at gigs that progression would follow. In time it will, but you have to except that time is the one thing you cant control. So you need to focus on the things you can control.

Ive got a nice set that im proud of, but i need to try more stuff out. Ive got some stuff that is really out there and im not sure if it will work, but i guess that is the gamble you have to make. Ive been putting off trying it out as im scared its going to die on its arse, but i need to grow some balls and just do it.

I have lost all love I have for this country, i think i might even detest it. I find myself trying to avoid people, whereas I was normally a very out going person with people, ive found im more quiet and reclusive. Im not sure how im going to change this. Im aware of it. Maybe ill take up yoga. Or Yogurt. Not been a big yogurt eater. I always pass it in the supermarkets along with the milk. Nope, ill just get my cheese and butter and its off to the next isle for me. Yogurt? When am I going to eat that? After dinner? As a dessert? Dessert should be an indulgence. Yogurt is not an indulgence. Its a bacteria. I like cheesecake. Dont know what my favorite dessert is. Maybe cheesecake. I like a nice cheese board, but thats not a dessert. Thats a cheese board.